The Woman at the Mountain Temple

Namu Amitabul
Namu Amitabul
Even if the mountain does not answer, I keep asking

In a hermitage deep in a valley of Songni Mountain
Moonlight falls on a shaved head
The day I took off the silk jeogori and put on the robe
The face in the mirror did not know me
Born in the palace, raised in the palace
Learning etiquette beside the queen dowager
The night the purge broke, my father was dragged away
My mother became a slave, and I became a dead woman

If I read the sutras, can I forget
If I strike the wooden bell, will the anger go
A thousand recitations, and still, eyes closed
My father's scream drowns out the scripture

Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
Buddha, this is not a prayer
Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
This is a scream through clenched teeth
Burn scars beneath the robe
This body scorched by the palace fire
You told me to forgive
But I cannot return to a burned house

Spring comes and the plum blossom is not beautiful
When the flowers open I see my mother's garden
In the summer rain I hear my father's voice
In autumn leaves I see our house burning
Only winter gives me peace
Because a frozen world is like my heart
From the village below, a rumor climbs
That inside a song the market clown sings
The truth of the palace is hidden
The truth I know. The truth I lived.

If I read the sutras, can I forget
If I strike the wooden bell, will the anger go
A thousand recitations, and still, eyes closed
The smell of blood beats the smell of incense

Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
Buddha, this is not a prayer
Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
This is a scream through clenched teeth
Burn scars beneath the robe
This body scorched by the palace fire
You told me to forgive
But I cannot return to a burned house

At twenty-three I shaved my head
The world killed me, so I killed the world
But that is a lie
Hide in the mountain and the anger follows
Try to cover it with the wooden bell
And the heart beats louder than the bell
I ask you, Buddha
You told me to let go of the anger
But what if the anger will not let go of me

Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
Buddha, this is not a prayer
Namu Amitabul, Namu Amitabul
This is the roar of one who survived
Tear off the robe and this body still remembers
Flames and screams and the beam that fell
I cannot forgive
But I will go on living here

Namu Amitabul
Namu Amitabul
Even if the mountain does not answer
I will keep asking