The Empty Mountain

The mountain took me back
Going down and coming up
The same road, but different feet

The night I went down carrying a torch
Has drifted away like a dream
The voice I raised before the palace
Came back to the mountain as an echo
The smell of smoke was in my robe
Three washings and it was still there
On the fourth I let it go
Not the smell — it was me who let go

I took up the wooden bell again
The same bell, a different sound
Before, I struck it to cover the anger
Now I simply strike it

The empty mountain holds me
An empty heart holds the mountain
The anger has left
I didn't let it go — it burned itself out
I went down carrying a torch
And came back with empty hands
That empty hands could be this light
I never knew, my whole life

Spring came
The plum trees blossomed
This time they are beautiful
My mother's garden comes to mind
But it doesn't hurt. It simply comes.
In the summer rain I hear my father's voice
I hear it. And I smile.
Autumn leaves fall
Not fire — just leaves
Let winter come
And let winter go

Yesterday a man came up from below
A man with a stick, roads carved into his face
I handed him a cup of tea
We didn't speak, but we knew — we came out of the same fire

The empty mountain holds me
An empty heart holds the mountain
The anger has left
I didn't let it go — it burned itself out
The prayer came back
The same words, a different meaning
Namu Amitabul
This time it is a real prayer

I once asked the Buddha
What if the anger will not let go of me
Now I know the answer
It was not about letting the anger go
It was about burning it all the way through
On the mountain, in prayer, it could not all burn
I had to go down and become a torch
When it had all burned, only ash was left
Snow falls on the ash
And when the snow melts, grass grows there

The empty mountain holds me
An empty heart holds the mountain
Namu Amitabul
This time I can say it without tears
Namu Amitabul
This time I don't have to clench my teeth
I let go
And the mountain answered

I said that even if the mountain did not answer, I would keep asking
Today the mountain answered
With wind